Struggling Marriage? 5 Steps to Making God Your First

Essential Communication Lessons learned in Marriage Coaching
February 25, 2016
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Struggling Marriage? 5 Steps to Making God Your First

In the world we live in, it’s very easy to forget what matters most. We put our focus on chasing material wealth and nurturing perfect marriages. If you ask a lot of people who or what the most important thing is to them, without hesitation, many will say their family. Even though we know the correct answer to that would be God, and we understand that we should always keep Him as a priority, we merely just don’t.

I am one of those people who put someone else as a priority instead of God: my husband. He was who defined me, who I put all my trust in, and he, therefore, was my rock and anchor. This comfort was until my ‘Rock’ developed a crack that later worsened into a chasm, which then became loose rubble that could no longer be an anchor for me.

My marriage falling apart and us getting separated was God’s way of getting my attention, and that is where I realized fully where all my trust should have been and who the real ‘Rock’ of my life was, which was not a smooth transition. I thought that it was enough that I was raised in the church, baptized at a young age, and was a good person, but God knew it would take more than that to get me to put Him first. After my marriage finally crumbled, I needed a savior who would fulfill my heart, through the devastation of a broken marriage and the realization that I had no control over anything in my life, God’s Grace was sufficient. I finally surrendered my whole life to the Good Lord.

After learning to put God as a priority in my life, he called my husband and me and asked us to reconcile our marriage. The reconciliation process was not easy, and it took years of working on it (we’re still working on it). Our mutual understanding that we need to put all our hopes, dreams, and trust in God for us to lead a Godly marriage. We both understand that the other spouse cannot meet all the needs of the other spouse, especially our deepest desires; only God can fulfill those. We found solid ground as described in 2 Samuel 22:47: “The Lord lives and blessed be my rock, and exalted be my God, the rock of my salvation.”

Over the years, I have come across women in marriages, who are devastated by their husbands’ behaviors, either sexual addiction or infidelities. These women often do not know what to do, and their go-to is to try and control their husbands’ actions, which only leaves them more frustrated. I usually will give them the advice to concentrate on building a better relationship between them and God, to learn to put Him first and let Him get closer to them in this time of despair and heartbreak. I further explain to them that sometimes God will use despair to grab your attention and get you closer to Him through Jesus Christ as He did for me and my marriage.

If you are in a struggling marriage, and your greatest desire is to restore and heal your marriage, you might want to re-evaluate your priorities. God wants you to align your priorities accordingly before He can restore your union; He wants you to make Him your greatest desire, more desirable than healing your marriage. And how do you make God your utmost priority?

Here are the five steps I learned on how to make God priority

1. Whenever things go wrong, I run to Him first. I don’t find solace on my friend’s shoulders, not even my husband’s, I cry to Him and tell Him my problems.

2. I do not let the hustles of life become excuses, and they are many:  kids need attention, I have too much work to do, or I’d rather sleep in today; I make time for God. I feel He blesses me more when I take time for Him and talk to Him.

3. I always study His Word, as here is where I genuinely listen to what he says. I no longer wonder what God would like me to go or do, nor do I wish that He would talk to me and give me a list of things He’d like me to do as it is all in His Word He gives me the instructions through it. For the full transformation that I desire, I have to apply His instructions into my life.

4. I stand on His promises. I am human, and my feelings are weak and will change regularly, but I am confident in the Lord’s promises as He is trustworthy, true, and unlike my fragile feelings, He never changes. When I feel like I am alone, and the Lord’s word says that He promises never to leave me nor forsake me, I know that is the truth, and He is here with me, never leaving. 

5. When I read His word, pray to Him, and wait on Him, He leads me where I am lost. I do not rely on the advice of people, for only God knows the right answer to my woes.

So do you think you have your priorities, right? Make sure that you are honest with yourself while answering that question for only then will you be able to make them right. Nothing should come ahead of your relationship with God, not even the desire to heal your troubled marriage.

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor only come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:5-8NLT

Father, our relationship with you is more important to the restoration and healing of our marriages. Teach us how to put you as a priority in our lives, how to desire you more than we desire other things in life so that we can receive all your goodness which flows from there, in Jesus’s name, Amen.

We know marriage can be hard and most married couples need marriage counseling sometime in their marriage. Please get help today!

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